Life Out Here: Thoughts at the Forrest Gump
June 19, 2013
BUENOS AIRES — Sitting in the Forrest Gump Restaurant as the group I’m leading nears the end of its month-long study-abroad trip here, I ponder and mull.
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Life Out Here: Portenos' lives are rich lives
June 5, 2013
BUENOS AIRES – There are IPDs everywhere, ready to explode when stepped on.
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Life Out Here: Getting out of control in Buenos Aires
May 29, 2013
BUENOS AIRES — I promised myself that I would never become one of those people who, as he gets older, can’t handle change, who becomes, metaphorically anyway, a “Get off my lawn” kind of old dude.
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Life Out Here: Let me hear the cries
May 22, 2013
I’ll soon be leaving for a month of work in Argentina.
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Life Out Here: Hillary vs. The Angry Koala
May 15, 2013
If there is proof that Hillary Clinton was incompetent, indifferent or conspiratorial, or any combination of the aforementioned, in the Benghazi attack and subsequent scandal, she should never again be given serious consideration as a presidential candidate.
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Life Out Here: Duck-less Dynasty
May 8, 2013
If the question had been asked once I would have thought it a fluke, an aberration, but I’ve been asked essentially the same question twice in recent weeks.
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Life Out Here: To Ruslan with love
April 24, 2013
In the worst of times we often see the best of people.
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Life Out Here: Fight for thought
April 17, 2013
They will kill you because of an idea these days in America.
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Life Out Here: Big days and age spots
April 10, 2013
My 17th wedding anniversary and my noticing of my first age spot came in the same week.
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Life Out Here: Traveling down but up
March 27, 2013
People were angry.
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Life Out Here: Love and an iron lung
March 20, 2013
CALEXICO — One of my favorite moments on our beautiful little campus here came in the tiny bookstore at the end of the past school year.
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Life Out Here: Meant for each other
March 13, 2013
I often wonder what would have happened if our dogs had ended up with other human companions.
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Life Out Here: That's just not funny?
March 6, 2013
As native Spanish speakers, some of my students have problems saying “third” because the “th” sounds isn’t used in Spanish (unless you’re from Barthelona, Valenthia or elthewhere in Thpain). Some of my students use a “t” sound instead.
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Life Out Here: Getting off the junk
February 27, 2013
While I may not be a political junkie, I certainly am an enthusiastic recreational user.
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Life Out Here: Sean, Rodriguez and the giant torta
February 20, 2013
Your self-anointed Oracle of the Imperial Valley will weigh in heavily again on weighty matters:
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Life out Here: Me and you, Chrissie Pooh
February 13, 2013
Dear Chris Brown:
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Life Out Here: Tough times at the top
February 6, 2013
It’s hard out here for the rich.
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Life out Here: Has farce become reality?
January 30, 2013
Several years ago a previous publisher of this newspaper, a man I deeply respect and consider a friend and mentor, nixed one of my columns.
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Life Out Here: Miami versus us
January 23, 2013
MIAMI — Miami and the Imperial Valley have a lot in common.
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Life Out Here: Take it back to itch
January 16, 2013
Track pants and long-sleeved T-shirts.
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Life Out Here: Just say you're sorry
January 9, 2013
Just apologize to the woman.
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Life Out Here: Protecting the sexy
January 2, 2013
The U.S. Supreme Court has made it legal to discriminate against us.
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Life Out Here: A Swift kick needed
December 26, 2012
This country needs a Swift kick to the behind in 2013 — a Jonathan Swift kick to the behind.
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Life Out Here: Not the time?
December 19, 2012
“Now is not the time to talk about gun control.”
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LIfe Out Here: The kids are all right ... and texting
December 12, 2012
As soon as my students are finished with class, they light up.
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Life Out Here: Who is guilty now?
December 5, 2012
Which do you prefer in a judicial system: innocent until proven guilty or guilty until proven innocent?
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Life Out Here: Doctor in the house
November 28, 2012
I have fulfilled the wish of every mother.
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Life Out Here: A post-racial flight
November 21, 2012
“Flight” is a fine movie, with a terrifying first third followed by a heart-breaking but ultimately life-affirming second two-thirds. Denzel Washington and British actress Kelly Reilly give breathtakingly real performances, and Don Cheadle is his usual intense self.
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Life Out Here: Screaming head and torso
November 14, 2012
They are like the Black Knight in “Monty Python and the Holy Grail,” who insists on sword fighting with King Arthur, a man merely trying to pass on a road.
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Life Out Here: Crispycreme in 2016
November 7, 2012
Crisp Crispycreme, as someone I know recently called him, is my new hero.
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Life Out Here: Beauty from ugly places
October 31, 2012
From trauma and terror good things, even remarkable things, sometimes come.
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Life Out Here: Spinning the drool
October 24, 2012
SPIN ROOM AFTER A DEBATE IN A CITY SOMEWHERE IN THE U.S. OF A. — The debate is over and reporters descend on the spin room, zeroing in on one spin-master in particular.
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Life Out Here: Junot Diaz's America
October 17, 2012
Junot Diaz won the Pulitzer Prize for fiction in 2008 for his debut novel, “The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao.”
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Life Out Here: The sweetness of his being
October 10, 2012
Justin Duron was the oldest young man I ever met.
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Life Out Here: 'Is It Just Me?'
October 3, 2012
Welcome to another edition of the Imperial Valley’s most popular reader-participation column, “Is It Just Me?” In this beloved semi-regular column, your faithful columnist wonders about current issues and non-issues and you, the readers, ponder if it is just him or if you agree with his deep, thoughtful stances. Track your points, then add those to your running totals with your fantasy “Is It Just Me?” teams.
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Mitt Manchu
September 26, 2012
As someone who has an oft-stated affection for Mitt Romney, I hate to see his presidential campaign going down the tubes.
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Life Out Here: Getting the bounce back
September 19, 2012
Back when I was a boy, practicing and playing basketball in the driveway under meager lighting at night, I loved the bounce.
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Life Out Here: Fighting that Luke fight
September 12, 2012
Sports teams often travel all the way across the country with the highest of hopes, convinced that the stars have aligned, the work has been done and the triumph is imminent.
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Life Out Here: Trout fishing in Ryan-Koch America
September 5, 2012
“Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.”
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Life Out Here: Seeing a love differently
August 29, 2012
I’m beginning to look with trepidation at one of the loves of my life.
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Life Out Here: Expendable too
August 22, 2012
Usually when I have to be persuaded to see a movie, a chick flick is what I end up seeing.
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Life Out Here: An approach for losers
August 15, 2012
“Kaffir” is a hate term used by some white people in Africa, particularly in South Africa, for black people. It basically is used the same way the N-word is used here in the United States.
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Life Out Here: Double-response man
August 8, 2012
I¿have more than one response to most situations. Often my first reactions are smart-aleck responses. Usually, as time passes, I have a more serious response. For example:
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Life Out Here: No joy in the Jacuzzi
August 1, 2012
The discussions were in the Jacuzzi of a health club. We were both … well, let’s not get into all that.
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Life Out Here: Villain du jour
July 25, 2012
He’s the kid who sits in the back of my classroom with few if any friends. He smirks, shifts uncomfortably in his seat. He makes the occasional snide comment, the occasional relevant one.
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Life Out Here: Becoming old men, together
July 18, 2012
“That one, he has an old soul,” the woman told us shortly after we arrived.
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Life Out Here: The global warming hoax
July 11, 2012
July 2016: It’s getting harder and harder to be an anti-global warming advocate these days.
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Life Out Here: Overheated mind, random ramblings
July 4, 2012
My mind won’t allow me to write a column with a single theme. It’s been too darn hot. So stay tuned for another episode of “Random Ramblings from an Overheated, Mediocre Mind.
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Life Out Here: Witches leading the witch hunt
June 27, 2012
Many are saying it’s a witch hunt, but Attorney General Eric Holder actually might turn out to be a witch.
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Life Out Here: 'Drive truck,' drive crazy
June 20, 2012
“Drive truck.”
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Life Out Here: Becoming Mexico
June 13, 2012
The best way for the United States to stem illegal immigration appears to be for our country to become more like Mexico.
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Life Out Here: Missing my bird-brained attackers
June 6, 2012
I miss my attackers.
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Life Out Here: Eugene Polley: American hero
May 30, 2012
Many people in this country insist the face of Ronald Reagan should be the next visage carved into Mount Rushmore.
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Life Out Here: Methodical Man
May 23, 2012
I’m not particularly bright, not particularly talented and not at all organized.
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Life Out Here: A third-party candidate?
May 16, 2012
PALM DESERT — Waiting for the crew with which I was working, I eavesdropped on the conversation between the breakfasters at the next table in the hotel dining room, because that’s something I do.
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Life Out Here: If the shoe doesn't fit ...
May 9, 2012
Some people deal with their trauma through counseling.
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Life Out Here: You just have to love your dad
May 2, 2012
The son and the father sit in the kitchen, talking sports and life in general.
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Life Out Here: The Motor City Marshmallow
April 25, 2012
Combat troops are tough guys. Cops and firefightersare tough guys. Hockey players are tough guys, as are most basketball and football players (excepting some wide receivers). Boxers and MMA fighters are tough guys, as are amateur wrestlers.
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Life Out Here: The coming sex-change flood
April 18, 2012
If you think Obamacare was bad, just think how horrible it’s going to be once the transgender people get hold of it.
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Life Out Here: The Brandt Snedeker Footbridge
April 11, 2012
“Now as he walks toward the 18th green, also known as Flowering Splotched Squash Hub,” the announcer says in hushed, reverential tones, “our leader will cross the Brandt Snedeker Footbridge and walk up the Hunter Mahan Footpath, then take a left at the Charles Howell III Latrine, where through the magnificent magnolias, he can’t get help but get a glimpse of the legendary, luminous and luscious Amen Corner, amen.
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Life Out Here: Trayvon and on
April 4, 2012
I try to not write about what everyone else is writing about, and I don’t know any more about the Trayvon Martin shooting death case than most folks do.
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Life Out Here: Burnt popcorn, gray vanilla flavor
March 28, 2012
“Mr. Kofford,” my student said to me. “Why do you wear gray all the time?”
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Life Out Here: The great bedroom invasion
March 21, 2012
“I know you’re my boss, but I don’t think that’s any of your business.”
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Life Out Here: Cagey codgers can teach a thing or two
March 14, 2012
Old hoopsters never die.
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Life Out Here: Being a gentleman
March 7, 2012
What happened to just being a gentleman?
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Life Out Here: The (wrongly) accused
February 29, 2012
Being called a thief felt like a punch to the gut.
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Life Out Here: America's moral conscience
February 22, 2012
I grew up with a guy who was convinced he was the moral conscience of America.
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Life Out Here: Country music, country roads
February 15, 2012
It’s a crisp winter morning in the Imperial Valley, and I’m driving south to work on La Brucherie Road listening to bluegrass singer Gillian Welch’s “The Harrow and the Harvest,” maybe the best American roots album in recent memory, maybe the best album in recent memory in general.
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Life Out Here: Texting or the tweet science?
February 8, 2012
I try to keep up with technology and what the kids are fiddling with, but at my age it’s not easy.
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Life Out Here: They're only Yuman
February 1, 2012
YUMA — Other than for the occasional movie, meal or ballgame, I hadn’t spent much time in Yuma.
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Life Out Here: Let's stay together
January 25, 2012
At a fundraiser at which Al Green performed last week, our president, apparently quite spontaneously, sang a snippet of the Reverend Al’s soul and lovers’ classic “Let’s Stay Together.”
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Life Out Here: Bringing the light
January 18, 2012
“Shouldn’t you be home today rooting against Tim Tebow?”
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Life Out Here: Was it yesterday or an eternity ago?
January 11, 2012
“Twenty-three skidoo, hepcat. You’re the cat’s pajamas.”
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Life Out Here: Crochet, anyone?
January 4, 2012
The company that optioned one of my screenplays six months ago and had been working with me ever since informed me it had decided to not go forward with producing the screenplay.
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Life Out Here: World Peace meets Chill Out, America
December 28, 2011
World Peace.
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Life Out Here: The Bill who saved Christmas
December 21, 2011
They were all there: Billy Bob Thornton, Ebenezer Scrooge, the Grinch, various school and town administrators and Hollywood liberals including George Clooney and Matt Damon.
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Lifer Out Here: 'Danish Doughboy' finds pedaling is paying off
December 14, 2011
I have a small money market account, a couple retirement funds, a house, two cars, and a wonderful assortment of pricey toupees that I rotate atop my noggin, but the best investment I’ve ever made, other than my education, is my stationary bicycle.
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Life Out Here: Texting my way to nirvana
December 7, 2011
At nearly 53 I’ve found the key to life, to true happiness. I’ve seen people transformed, transfixed, transported.
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Life Out Here: These are your roles in life
November 30, 2011
The best thing about the holidays is getting to spend time with your family.
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Life Out Here: Several hundred words and counting
November 23, 2011
I recently read about the border collie who allegedly understands more than 1,000 words.
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Life Out Here: These two or a Mormon?
November 16, 2011
An alleged pervert, a documented serial philanderer or a Mormon?
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Life Out Here: A bad path to No. 1
November 9, 2011
It took the death of Andy Rooney for me to become my wife’s favorite commentator.
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My View: Cain winning some points?
November 2, 2011
According to allegations, Herman Cain and the National Restaurant Association reached legal settlements in the 1990s, when Cain was president of the association, in regard to Cain sexually harassing at least two women under his supervision.
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Life Out Here: Stop the class warfare
October 26, 2011
One political party is committing class warfare, pitting one set of Americans from a particular socioeconomic sector against those on the other end. I abhor what that party is doing.
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My View: Swimming with my own Flippers
October 19, 2011
Lew Jenkins, former lightweight boxing champion of the world, had a color TV.
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Life Out Here: Yes, he's running ... away
October 12, 2011
IMPERIAL — A gaggle of reporters — OK, two isn’t exactly a gaggle — gathered for the press conference last week in the garage of a home here.
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Dancing with Geraldine
October 5, 2011
A young person recently asked if I was proud of my accomplishments.
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Life Out Here: Rick, the religious right and sex
September 28, 2011
For the religious right, it’s usually about sex in one way or another.
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Life Out Here: Commitment to a paint job
September 21, 2011
As I parked next to the truck in downtown El Centro, I could tell the gentlemen working on it were my kind of guys.
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Past time to stop thinking only of self
September 14, 2011
About an hour and a half into the power blackout last week, cars were backed up six to eight deep at each nozzle at various Imperial Valley gas stations.
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Life Out Here: Matchmaker, matchmaker make me a ... sick
September 7, 2011
Being rich and single creates terrible human beings.
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Life Out Here: It's all Obama's fault
September 1, 2011
Some of us on the right are blaming Barack Obama for the hurricane that pounded the East Coast in recent days.
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Life Out Here: Breakdown of the human machine
August 24, 2011
The machine that is the human body can only take so much.
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Life Out Here: Put a Kindle to it
August 17, 2011
She was a nice woman, one of the nicest people I’ve met in recent years, but she was trying to get me to do something I considered wrong.
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Life Out Here: Not business as usual
August 10, 2011
Times are tough and colleges and universities are suffering. We in the tea party and the extreme right wing of the Republican Party couldn’t be happier about that.
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Life Out Here: Top 40 radio kept us together
June 22, 2011
For those who grew up in the 1950s, ’60s, ’70s and ’80s, something important united us.
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Life Out Here: What's the deal with parking lots?
June 15, 2011
The bushier my eyebrows and earlobes get, the more I am inclined to write columns like this:
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Life Out Here: Plenty of hugs when his dog Flynn's around
June 8, 2011
About 6,000 early-morning hugs … those are the most cherished things I’ve received from Flynn, who turned 6 years old this week.
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Life Out Here: A tornado pulls things together
June 1, 2011
ST. LOUIS — A tornado can pull things together.
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Life Out Here: Bert. Bart. Brent. Fred. Who am I?
May 25, 2011
I’ve been called by all those names frequently. Recently a longtime colleague referred to me in an e-mail as Brent. A week before that a longtime colleague referred to me on an agenda as Brad.
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Life Out Here: Saying what they mean, not meaning what they say
May 18, 2011
Bill O’Reilly is not a stupid man, but he often plays one on TV.
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Life Out Here: Inaugural film festival a success
May 11, 2011
“These are going to take a long time to watch and most are going to be bad,” I thought as I looked Friday morning at the list of film entries in the inaugural Imperial County Film Festival and Artist Showcase.
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Life Out Here: Obama showed his mettle
May 4, 2011
On Saturday I was around a guy who repeatedly called our president the N-word.
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Life Out Here: Valley is in need of a dog park
April 27, 2011
YUMA — Grass, baggies, fencing — all set up in a ravine that might have been a drainage ditch not long ago.
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Life Out Here: Join us in the Me Me Me Party
April 20, 2011
Paul Ryan is a genius, but he’s a timid genius.
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Life Out Here: Experiencing, enjoying opera
April 13, 2011
SAN DIEGO — “Come and listen to a story ‘bout a man named Bret
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Life Out Here: Rogelio Reyes was a man of the people
April 6, 2011
Teachers have become pariahs to a certain segment of America.
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Life Out Here: Exploring my political options
March 30, 2011
Many people have been asking when I am going to officially announce whether I am going to seek the presidency of this great nation.
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Life Out Here: Representing the middle
March 23, 2011
I hate to think of myself as a moderate.
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Newt is a big patriot
March 17, 2011
In 1994 Newt Gingrich was instrumental in creating the Contract with America.
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Life Out Here: It's clear that I am winning
March 9, 2011
I have a jetfighter’s blood, a Viking helmet and kangaroo junk.
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Life Out Here: Proud to be a union man, dummy
March 2, 2011
Glenn Beck is the crash-test dummy of the American right.
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Life Out Here: The pinkos are stealing our thunder
February 23, 2011
We in the tea party movement are outraged at the series of un-American actions during the past week in Madison, Wis.
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Life Out Here: Celebrating our other president
February 16, 2011
As our country has grown we have needed to add more to our national landscape: more law enforcement officers, more cell phone towers, more highways, more Bed, Bath and Beyonds.
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Life Out Here: Putting him on a doggie diet
February 9, 2011
I knew when I saw his stomach dragging on the ground that I needed to do something about Flynn’s weight.
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Life Out Here: There he is, Mr. Pulled Together
February 2, 2011
COACHELLA — The Spanish-language comedy programs, particularly the ones based in Mexico, are brutal in their parodies and caricatures of politicians and celebrities. I generally understand
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Life Out Here: Taking it all a bit too seriously
January 26, 2011
“Don’t you think it’s terrible what Richard Brown said in his column about you yesterday?” the woman asked me Saturday.
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Life Out Here: Compiling a list of the good guys
January 19, 2011
9 a.m. Monday — The tone of the political debate in this country has become increasingly nasty, with vilifying and name-calling now the norm. It’s a sad state of affairs, and almost all those involved in politics, whether politicians or media members, are equally guilty.
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Life Out Here: Is a future of regular mayhem coming?
January 12, 2011
The gun control debate in this country is over.
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Life Out Here: Enjoying some time in the shallow end
January 5, 2011
Fifty-eight new channels and a new flat-screen television, and I’m happy as a shallow-water clam.
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Life Out Here: Renaissance man and a nice guy, too
December 29, 2010
The Alice Cooper Band, Neil Diamond, Dr. John, Joe Holzman, Art Rupe, Darlene Love and Leon Russell will be 2011 inductees into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
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I may soon have a mouth full of metal
December 22, 2010
Imagine a bald-headed, gray-haired 52-year-old man with braces on his teeth.
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Life Out Here: We're for the rich and we're proud
December 15, 2010
Like most others, it’s been great for us Republicans to come out of the closet.
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Life Out Here: Watch what you say: The Raiders are back
December 8, 2010
We Raiders’ fans don’t want much, really.
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Life Out Here: Not the right thing to be angry about
December 1, 2010
A lot of people in this country want to be angry about something.
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My View: The anti-tax advocate gets what he wants
November 24, 2010
When the home of the nation’s biggest anti-tax advocate exploded, he knew something had to be done.
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Life Out Here: One thing I am not is a quitter
November 17, 2010
“Would he ever give up on me?”
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Life Out Here: A new party that has a familiar model
November 10, 2010
Modeled after the great success of the tea party movement, we are forming an alternative to the tea party called the Wee Party.
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Life Out Here: A great American artist
November 3, 2010
You’ll hear a lot today about change in America, how our country is transforming from this to that and how great or terrible that is.
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Life Out Here: Call it what it is: A World Scrimmage
October 27, 2010
NEW YORK — Thank goodness the baseball season is over. Now we East Coast sportswriters and columnists can concentrate on football and the only true teams in the National Football League: the Jets, the Giants, the Patriots, the Redskins and the Eagles.
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Life Out Here: Turns out that Devo was right
October 20, 2010
Who would have thought 30 years ago a group of guys in yellow hazard suits and safety glasses would be so prescient?
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Life Out Here: Past the inability to apologize
October 13, 2010
Having the ability to sincerely apologize is a wonderful trait.
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Life Out Here: There is really only one choice
October 6, 2010
We can’t murder homosexuals.
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Life Out Here: The truth is just a bit different
September 30, 2010
We’re waiting.
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Life Out Here: In the eye of the beholder
September 22, 2010
(Following is a transcript, recorded as accurately as remembered, of a recent conversation between your faithful correspondent, identified henceforth as FC, and an old friend, identified as OF. We’ll pick things up in the middle of our conversation.)
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Life Out Here: Maybe we need more broken noses
September 15, 2010
We’ve become a nation of name-callers.
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Life Out Here: Thankfully, there is tomorrow
September 8, 2010
What doesn’t kill you makes you older.
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Life Out Here: Where was the expected opposition?
September 1, 2010
ATLANTA — We were convinced there would be a big stink.
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Life Out Here: A combative combination of fur and fury
August 25, 2010
He is 5 pounds of apricot fury.
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Life Out Here: A disservice to the entire community
August 18, 2010
I’m thinking not of me but of you, my readers and dedicated fans.
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Life Out Here: An argument over the gay marriage ruling
August 11, 2010
“Marriage has been ruined,” the husband said as he walked into the house after listening to talk radio on his way home from work.
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Viewpoint: The wrong kind of white flight
August 4, 2010
SANTA FE, N.M. — The people of New Mexico were fed up.
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Viewpoint: Go ahead, take your best shots
July 28, 2010
I’m wading in with my hands down and my chin out, like Rocky Marciano, like Jake LaMotta, telling you to take your best rhetorical swings.
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Life Out Here: Some real men, indeed
July 21, 2010
Some believe reality television is contributing to our nation’s demise, that it has made us a narcissistic, look-at-me society.
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Life Out Here: Add a name To civil rights Leadership
July 14, 2010
Harriet Tubman. Sojourner Truth. W.E.B. Du Bois. Frederick Douglass. Martin Luther King Jr. Glenn Beck.
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Life Out Here: Berry is a real American idol
July 7, 2010
A CANYON IN THE HILLS ON THE EDGE OF IRVINE — The crowd was gathered to hear a famous anti-tax advocate.
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Life Out Here: A Jewel we will always remember
June 30, 2010
Several months ago we had a fancy family photo taken. In the photo were husband, wife, son … and our two dogs.
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Life Out Here: Looking like Argentina
June 22, 2010
There is fear among some that our nation is going the way of Greece, Spain and Portugal, countries either in full economic collapse or on the precipice of economic nosedives.