Esquire magazine, particularly its Style Blog, has big worries that start with one side of Joe Flacco's face and stretch, hairily, to the other.
It's the unibrow. And they want him to lose it -- now -- lest it becomes a trend, leading to what they think could be a terrifying unibrowification of America.
Style Blog writer Kurt Soller threw down his demands Wednesday in a post called, "How to Fight the Forthcoming Unibrow Nation." He Posted right about the time Twitter was lighting up with people mocking Flacco's boast of being the best quarterback in the NFL.
With Flacco and his face fur so in the news, coming right on another very public unibrown showing -- Anthony Davis and his Kentucky Wildcats triumphing in the NCAA championship game -- Esquire was concerned.
All that eyebrow action in (or over?) the public eye might be the tipping point. People might start thinking it's OK.
What Esquire is forgetting is that Flacco's unibrow is an institution.
The thing has its own Facebook page.
A couple years ago a Baltimore PR company was selling fake Flacco unibrows to raise money for charity.
Deadspin ran a picture of Flacco next to the famously unibrowed Bert of Sesame Street.
But Esquire doesn't care. They want that unibrow gone. That one and all of them.
"We're counting on you, men who may be reading this screen with that third eye below your (just admit it) unibrow — fix the damn thing," the blogger wrote.
And Esquire suggested just how to dispose of it.
The blog recommended against wax. Nair, too, got the thumbs down. As did the trusty razor.
The only safe weapon, according to Esquire? Tweezers.
"At first, pulling out the hairs will sting, and then, depending on the amount of hair, the skin will eventually go numb," the blogger wrote. "If you don't want co-workers to notice (they'll approve, anyway), spread the work out over a week, little by little."
So we'll see if Joe listens....
Read more of the Esquire piece here.
Esquire wants to manscape Joe Flacco's unibrow
Ravens Nation? Unibrow Nation! (Al Bello/Getty Images / April 4, 2012)