Nagging is one of the worst things an in-law can do, because it makes you feel stupid. If they're so worried about your situation, they should sit down and help you develop a concrete plan. When we were starting out, me, my wife, and our three girls lived in a rental house in the ghetto because it was all we could afford. Never once did my mother-in-law offer to lend us money, help us develop a budget, or assist me in finding a better job. Instead, in an extremely judgmental voice, she kept telling us to move out of that house immediately.
Lennard Haynes Sr., Houston, Texas, years with in-laws: 4
———
Early in my marriage, my mother-in-law tried to do too much. She was bringing us food, giving her daughter money, offering to decorate our house. It may be that your in-laws are just trying to be helpful. So, handle it tactfully. I said, "I know you love your daughter very much. I appreciate your doing everything. But that may hurt my marriage in the long run." I also said, "We need to figure some things out on our own. If we stumble, we'd like to be able to come to you for advice." She understood.
Thomas M.W. "Mike" Downs, Fayetteville, N.Y., years with in-laws: 18
———
My mother-in-law had this crazy habit of coming to our home and rearranging the knickknacks on this little shelf we have over the home entertainment center. At first I thought she was doing it to get a rise out of me, but when I asked her one day, she said she was just arranging the pieces in a more logical fashion. Every time she left I would change them back. It was really upsetting to me until I decided to just leave them the way she had them. I think it was more upsetting to her when I wasn't playing into her hands.
Martin Seabeck, Fombell, Pa.
———
My in-laws have had trouble letting go. My 35-yearold sister-in-law still has to ask her mom's permission if she has to miss the family's weekly dinner. Last year, someone had offered her tickets to a film-festival event and she had to call and ask if it was OK. Her mom said no, so she declined the tickets. I was shocked that a 35- year-old woman had to ask her mommy's permission. My husband had no idea when we first met how messed up things were. He thought my parents were weird for being so laid back, but he soon realized he felt more comfortable and more himself around them. My husband loves his parents, but he doesn't like them.
Anonymous, Toronto, Canada, years with in-laws: 3
———
Yes, I do have the world's worst mother-in-law. This woman has been married and divorced four times and does not believe in happy relationships. She mentally batters everyone who marries one of her children. I have tried everything, including going to a therapist, to understand why she is so awful. The therapist said that she is a crazy beast and should be avoided. My husband knows that his mother is nuts, too, and has agreed that we only have to see her four days a year. I would prefer no contact at all, but he feels sorry for her.
Carla Higgins, Oakland, Calif., years with in-laws: 8
———
Hundreds of Heads Books' survival guides offer the wisdom of the masses by assembling the experiences and advice of hundreds of people who have gone through life's biggest challenges and have insight to share. Visit www.hundredsofheads.com to share your advice or get more information.
———
(c) 2010, Hundreds of Heads Books, Inc.
Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.
Lennard Haynes Sr., Houston, Texas, years with in-laws: 4
———
Early in my marriage, my mother-in-law tried to do too much. She was bringing us food, giving her daughter money, offering to decorate our house. It may be that your in-laws are just trying to be helpful. So, handle it tactfully. I said, "I know you love your daughter very much. I appreciate your doing everything. But that may hurt my marriage in the long run." I also said, "We need to figure some things out on our own. If we stumble, we'd like to be able to come to you for advice." She understood.
Thomas M.W. "Mike" Downs, Fayetteville, N.Y., years with in-laws: 18
———
My mother-in-law had this crazy habit of coming to our home and rearranging the knickknacks on this little shelf we have over the home entertainment center. At first I thought she was doing it to get a rise out of me, but when I asked her one day, she said she was just arranging the pieces in a more logical fashion. Every time she left I would change them back. It was really upsetting to me until I decided to just leave them the way she had them. I think it was more upsetting to her when I wasn't playing into her hands.
Martin Seabeck, Fombell, Pa.
———
My in-laws have had trouble letting go. My 35-yearold sister-in-law still has to ask her mom's permission if she has to miss the family's weekly dinner. Last year, someone had offered her tickets to a film-festival event and she had to call and ask if it was OK. Her mom said no, so she declined the tickets. I was shocked that a 35- year-old woman had to ask her mommy's permission. My husband had no idea when we first met how messed up things were. He thought my parents were weird for being so laid back, but he soon realized he felt more comfortable and more himself around them. My husband loves his parents, but he doesn't like them.
Anonymous, Toronto, Canada, years with in-laws: 3
———
Yes, I do have the world's worst mother-in-law. This woman has been married and divorced four times and does not believe in happy relationships. She mentally batters everyone who marries one of her children. I have tried everything, including going to a therapist, to understand why she is so awful. The therapist said that she is a crazy beast and should be avoided. My husband knows that his mother is nuts, too, and has agreed that we only have to see her four days a year. I would prefer no contact at all, but he feels sorry for her.
Carla Higgins, Oakland, Calif., years with in-laws: 8
———
Hundreds of Heads Books' survival guides offer the wisdom of the masses by assembling the experiences and advice of hundreds of people who have gone through life's biggest challenges and have insight to share. Visit www.hundredsofheads.com to share your advice or get more information.
———
(c) 2010, Hundreds of Heads Books, Inc.
Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.
