George Stahnke, “We were called into the living room of the house and mom was on one side and dad was over on the other… my sister and I were on the floor… and they told us that they were going to get divorced, and asked us so, who would you like to live with?”

That’s the kind of memory that leaves a life-long scar. It happened decades ago, but George still remembers it like it was yesterday.

George says, “I was just shocked, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.”

Some experts say that kids are resilient, that they’ll adjust. And they can. But long-term research shows that divorce continues to negatively impact kids many years after the fact.

Willy Wooten – counselor, Focus on the Family says, “It’s a sense of loss and grief, and kids may not necessarily verbalize it, but they will demonstrate that in their behavior, some may become more aggressive, others may withdraw.”

George says, “In talking with adults that have come from divorced homes, I have yet to find one that was not deeply affected emotionally for many many years.”

Another common myth surrounding kids and divorce is that if the parents are always arguing, it’s healthier for the kids if they just go ahead and split up.

Linda Stahnke says, “Even when we had our struggles early in our own marriage, divorce was not an option, we had to work it through, even when I had my doubts, he said there’s no choice – we have to figure something out.”

Willy says, “So when conflict comes up, what a wonderful example to be, is that people can sit down and work it out.”

Every marriage will have highs and lows because romantic love, like all emotions, will ebb and flow over time. Commitment is the true source of stability in a marriage. Unfortunately our culture often sends the message that if the romantic feelings have disappeared then so should you.

Willy says, “It gets to be glamorized in magazines and movies, it’s okay, there’s no real big problem, but they don’t really begin to reflect the damage that gets done to a lot of kids and families.”

George says, “The feeling of abandonment, rejection, the desperation… It left a hole inside of me.”

Commitment is a choice a couple needs to make every day of their marriage. And divorce hurts kids—for life.