Bob Noesner – married 11 years says, “If your wife said do I look fat in this dress and you want to be honest about it.”

Stop right there! Don’t buy into the notion that you can say whatever you want just because you’re being honest. Honesty should always be served up with kindness.

Romie Hurley – counselor, Focus on the Family says, “If in fact she looks fat in that dress, immediately I would go to another dress, you know, I like you a little better in the other one, that’s more complimentary, and so you’ve avoided the fat question (laughs) in a sense.”

That’s just one example of how honesty in marriage needs careful handling. Sometimes spouses will use the excuse “I’m just being honest” – when what they’re really doing is lashing out at their partner in anger.

Tracey Noesner – married 11 years says, “Being blunt and coarse is a recipe for divorce… the minute you just say I’m just going to tell him because I need to get it off my chest or it’s important to me, or it’s all about me me me, then you’re hurting that person so much that it might be beyond repair.”

Another area where couples should proceed with caution is talking about past relationships… honesty in the big picture is good – but details are often not so good… something to remember throughout marriage, and even in a dating relationship.

Romie says, “When couples first get together it’s like they pour out everything in an attempt to get to know one another.”

Bob says, “What happened in those past relationships isn’t necessarily productive in developing your relationship, I don’t think spouses want to hear about every girlfriend or every boyfriend that you’ve ever had.”

Now I’m not advocating that you be dishonest with your spouse – far from it. But there are some things better left unsaid, especially when the other person doesn’t have any control over the characteristic being criticized. Putting your partner’s feelings first will contribute to a much healthier – and happier – relationship.