Remember the time that a shooter came into Seattle Grace and killed a bunch of doctors? Yeah, it’s kind of hard to forget after last night’s season premiere, which basically just analyzed the surgeons’ emotional responses to the tragedy. We’re not going to lie – we wanted some steamy sex in the on-call room, or some kissing in the elevator, or at least some sexual tension. Unfortunately, this episode lacks the heat that we crave from Grey’s Anatomy and its crazy hot cast, but we’re willing to write this off as a mere transition into better things.
And hey, at least we got a gruesome surgery to make this hour of TV time worthwhile. Derek and his loyal followers encounter a teenage patient with a tumor wrapped around his brain stem, so the doctors have to split his face in half to save his life – obviously. This surgery is enough to make a man resign as chief of surgery! Don’t tell us you didn’t see that one coming. But, in case you were shocked, here’s the breakdown of Seattle Grace’s emotional meltdowns and bizarre coping mechanisms.
Derek: When an episode begins with Derek in a holding pen, it’s pretty obvious that his near-death experience transformed Derek into an adrenaline junkie. We get a major kick out of watching Mr. Perfect hit 125 mph in his “hey, look at me!” SUV, but we’re a little less amused when he uses a sick kid and his surgeon status to register a thrill. We hope that newly instated Chief Weber can keep his former protégé in line.
Meredith: The counselor enlisted to clear the doctors for surgery manages to see past Meredith’s well-adjusted facade and deep into her dark and twisty soul. He refuses to give her the green light for surgery, saying he senses Meredith is avoiding some serious issues. Duh. Keeping your miscarriage a secret from your husband can take a toll.
Christina: So did you hear that Christina and Owen got married this episode??! Yeah, the previews kind of ruined that surprise. We still were creeped out by Christina’s carrying around wedding magazine and talking about flower arrangements. “All you have to do is help me break the tie between the lilies of the valley and the peonies!” We think a case of posttraumatic stress pushed our resident anti-romantic to the altar – so yeah, Christina and Owen’s marriage should be totally stable.
Alex: Our favorite bad boy gets back to his womanizing roots and sees the silver lining to a bullet in his chest. Chicks dig scars, right? Yeah, just leave the bullet in there, doc.
Bailey: In a perfect delivery of classic Grey’s Anatomy dialogue – repetitive, meandering, long-winded – Bailey ends her relationship with the sexy anesthesiologist. The jerk was GOLFING during the shooting, which makes him just too perfect for her barely glued-together self. Well, Miranda, if you don’t want him, we’ll be happy to take him off your hands.
Lexie: Mini-Grey dyes her hair brown again to signify the sadness she feels about the mass murder, rants at patients in the clinic and gets involuntarily committed into the psych unit by Sloan. She gets a good night’s sleep, and the counselor decides that she’s A-OK for surgery again.
Teddy: Owen who? Don’t worry, Teddy found a new man to ease the pain – the counselor, Andrew. And trust us, he’s hot. We have high hopes that this new attractive pairing will generate some heat in the hospital.
What an education in human emotional responses. Now, back to the sex and the scandal, please.